A Piece of Plastic Clay...?

I was at my parents' house recently, and something brought this poem to mind.  I don't now remember what it was, but I remember how it left me thinking.  After talking with my parents, I realized that as much as I love the following poem, I feel compelled to disagree with its meaning.

I took a piece of plastic clay
And idly fashioned it one day,
And as my fingers pressed it still,
It moved and yielded at my will.

I came again when days were past;
The bit of clay was hard at last,
The form I gave it still it bore,
But I could change that form no more.

I took a piece of living clay,
And gently formed it day by day,
And molded with my power and art
A young child's soft and yielding heart.

I came again when days were gone;
It was a man I looked upon;
That early impress still he wore,
And I could change it never more.  [Author Unknown]

On first read, I thought this was a good poem...a clear representation of the process of parenting, the molding, shaping, teaching that goes on throughout the early life of a child.  With it goes the knowledge that at some point, as a parent, you have to let the children go their own way.  You've done what you can, right?  You've taught them all you can teach them.  You've tried to raise them right, to be respectful, responsible adults.  Maybe they are.  Maybe the things you taught them still show ("that early impress still he wore"); however, the final line is where my views diverge from the poem.

"And I could change it never more."

How true is this?  While the hardened clay seems to be unchangeable ("But I could change that form no more"), it is, in fact, easy to change.  You can paint it, carve it, add things to it, and yes, even smash it.  What about a man?  A person?  Are we as as supposedly "unchangeable" as the hardened clay?

I like to believe that I am a good mixture of all that my parents taught me growing up.  They did an excellent job of teaching me to be a mature, responsible, caring person, and I will be forever grateful to them for that.  Here's the rub:  does the fact that I'm now 35 years old necessarily mean that they can't mold me or shape me any further?  Does the fact that I'm an adult mean that they can't still have an impact on me as a person?  I would suggest "no."  I would suggest that now is the time that they can have a greater impact because I am at a point in my life where I seek them out, knowing that they have valuable things to teach me.  Now that I am older, I am more willing, more able to appreciate, more willing to accept all that they have to offer.  I believe that this is not a superficial thing, but rather something fundamental.

I look back now and realize that many of the life lessons I have learned, I have learned as an adult.  Perseverance, patience, the value of hard work, how to love someone, how to treat others.  These are all things I gained a better understanding of as an adult.  My father always encouraged me, whether I was fretting over a college essay or the fact that I felt like I was going to be single for the rest of my life.  He was always there to let me know that when the time is right, good things will happen for me.  He was right.  My mother, the consummate caring person that she is, has shown me the value of loving and caring for others, often in the face of unappreciative people who might take for granted all that you've done for them.  These are life lessons that can only be truly appreciated as an adult.  In fact, I don't believe I ever really "learned" them at all until I was older.

In that light, two songs come to mind.  The first, "Angels," by Randy Travis, was the song to which my mother and I danced at my wedding.  I know a lot of people say this about their mothers, but my mother is special.  She is an angel...for dealing with the struggles that often go with being married to a military man, and for putting up with four often bratty kids who, I am sure, never truly appreciated all that she did for them and all the sacrifices she made. The following lines are spoken by one friend to another, after someone questioned the existence of angels.

"Are you telling me that you've never seen an angel?

Never felt the presence of one standing by?
No robe of white, no halo in site...
Well you missed the most obvious thing.
Man, are you blind?
Just look in your mothers eyes."

The second verse of the song talks about all the things mothers do that make them angels, and to the letter, it's a description of my mother.

The second song, "The Best Day," by George Strait has a couple of lines that express both the relationship I have with my father, as well as some lessons learned. The following lines show a son getting ready to be married.  His father is in the room with him at the church, and the son says to him:

"Dad, this could be the best day of my life. 

I've been dreamin' day and night of bein' like you.
Now it's me and her,
Watchin' you and mom I've learned,
I'm the luckiest man alive,
This is the best day of my life."

Sometimes, it goes beyond the simple lessons you're taught.  Like the son in this song, I want to be like my Dad, and having learned from my parents, I know what I need to do to have a successful marriage, and a successful life.  These are the kinds of lessons that will never end.  I hope I never stop learning from my parents; I hope I never stop learning period.  My parents molded me into the man I am today, and though I have many flaws, I know that when it matters, the man they taught me to be will show up.

Mom and Dad:  I love you, and thank you for everything you've done for me.