Friday, February 11, 2011

A Piece of Plastic Clay...?

I was at my parents' house recently, and something brought this poem to mind.  I don't now remember what it was, but I remember how it left me thinking.  After talking with my parents, I realized that as much as I love the following poem, I feel compelled to disagree with its meaning.

I took a piece of plastic clay
And idly fashioned it one day,
And as my fingers pressed it still,
It moved and yielded at my will.

I came again when days were past;
The bit of clay was hard at last,
The form I gave it still it bore,
But I could change that form no more.

I took a piece of living clay,
And gently formed it day by day,
And molded with my power and art
A young child's soft and yielding heart.

I came again when days were gone;
It was a man I looked upon;
That early impress still he wore,
And I could change it never more.  [Author Unknown]

On first read, I thought this was a good poem...a clear representation of the process of parenting, the molding, shaping, teaching that goes on throughout the early life of a child.  With it goes the knowledge that at some point, as a parent, you have to let the children go their own way.  You've done what you can, right?  You've taught them all you can teach them.  You've tried to raise them right, to be respectful, responsible adults.  Maybe they are.  Maybe the things you taught them still show ("that early impress still he wore"); however, the final line is where my views diverge from the poem.

"And I could change it never more."

How true is this?  While the hardened clay seems to be unchangeable ("But I could change that form no more"), it is, in fact, easy to change.  You can paint it, carve it, add things to it, and yes, even smash it.  What about a man?  A person?  Are we as as supposedly "unchangeable" as the hardened clay?

I like to believe that I am a good mixture of all that my parents taught me growing up.  They did an excellent job of teaching me to be a mature, responsible, caring person, and I will be forever grateful to them for that.  Here's the rub:  does the fact that I'm now 35 years old necessarily mean that they can't mold me or shape me any further?  Does the fact that I'm an adult mean that they can't still have an impact on me as a person?  I would suggest "no."  I would suggest that now is the time that they can have a greater impact because I am at a point in my life where I seek them out, knowing that they have valuable things to teach me.  Now that I am older, I am more willing, more able to appreciate, more willing to accept all that they have to offer.  I believe that this is not a superficial thing, but rather something fundamental.

I look back now and realize that many of the life lessons I have learned, I have learned as an adult.  Perseverance, patience, the value of hard work, how to love someone, how to treat others.  These are all things I gained a better understanding of as an adult.  My father always encouraged me, whether I was fretting over a college essay or the fact that I felt like I was going to be single for the rest of my life.  He was always there to let me know that when the time is right, good things will happen for me.  He was right.  My mother, the consummate caring person that she is, has shown me the value of loving and caring for others, often in the face of unappreciative people who might take for granted all that you've done for them.  These are life lessons that can only be truly appreciated as an adult.  In fact, I don't believe I ever really "learned" them at all until I was older.

In that light, two songs come to mind.  The first, "Angels," by Randy Travis, was the song to which my mother and I danced at my wedding.  I know a lot of people say this about their mothers, but my mother is special.  She is an angel...for dealing with the struggles that often go with being married to a military man, and for putting up with four often bratty kids who, I am sure, never truly appreciated all that she did for them and all the sacrifices she made. The following lines are spoken by one friend to another, after someone questioned the existence of angels.

"Are you telling me that you've never seen an angel?
Never felt the presence of one standing by?
No robe of white, no halo in site...
Well you missed the most obvious thing.
Man, are you blind?
Just look in your mothers eyes."

The second verse of the song talks about all the things mothers do that make them angels, and to the letter, it's a description of my mother.

The second song, "The Best Day," by George Strait has a couple of lines that express both the relationship I have with my father, as well as some lessons learned. The following lines show a son getting ready to be married.  His father is in the room with him at the church, and the son says to him:

"Dad, this could be the best day of my life. 
I've been dreamin' day and night of bein' like you.
Now it's me and her,
Watchin' you and mom I've learned,
I'm the luckiest man alive,
This is the best day of my life."

Sometimes, it goes beyond the simple lessons you're taught.  Like the son in this song, I want to be like my Dad, and having learned from my parents, I know what I need to do to have a successful marriage, and a successful life.  These are the kinds of lessons that will never end.  I hope I never stop learning from my parents; I hope I never stop learning period.  My parents molded me into the man I am today, and though I have many flaws, I know that when it matters, the man they taught me to be will show up.

Mom and Dad:  I love you, and thank you for everything you've done for me.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

"Georgia on My Mind" and Other Tunes...

Note:  I originally posted this December 10, 2010, using another site, which I don't use much anymore, so I decided to re-post it here.  References to my fiancée are outdated, as we are now happily married, but I chose to include the original post as-is.  I hope you enjoy it!  :)
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While I was driving to work today, scanning through stations looking for my "get up and go" song, I stumbled across "Georgia on My Mind," sung by Willie Nelson.  I used to live in Georgia, so I always enjoy listening to that song.  This time, however, it was a little different.  The weather outside is cold and snowy...there's a biting wind.  Yet, listening to that song this morning took me back to a place I haven't seen in many, many years.  Suddenly, it was warm.  The sun was shining, and I was running around in the woods near my old home playing Laser Tag.  Those were the days.  Instantly, I was refreshed.  Gone were the "blah" feelings I experienced when I walked outside this morning into the bitter cold.  In their place were warmth, contentment, and satisfaction.  I spent the rest of the drive to work thinking about some of the "good 'ol days," and showed up to teach with a smile on my face!

1.  "Everything Louder Than Everything Else" (Meat Loaf) - In high school, I was a member of the drama club.  The year this song came out, we would listen to it in the dressing room prior to every performance.  It was our "get up and go" song.

2.  "Everything I Do (I Do It for You)" (Bryan Adams) - This was my audition song for the first play I was ever in.  The girl I am engaged to now was my girlfriend that year in high school, and she was the one cuing up the music.  In a way, that song was to her as well.  When we hear it now, it always causes us to smile.

3.  "Take It Easy" (The Eagles) - The summer between my junior and senior years, I went to a national theater conference at Ball State University.  The first day there, I bought "The Eagles Greatest Hits:  Volume One," and I listened to it the entire week.  It was an amazing week for too many reasons to recount here.  Now, I can't hear any song off that album without thinking of that trip.

4.  "You've Got a Friend in Me" (Michael Jackson) - Believe it or not, this was on one of the first cassettes I ever owned.  It was a "best of" cassette of young Michael and his brothers.  Hearing it just makes me think of when I was a little kid and things seemed so much easier.

5.  "The Living Years" (Mike + the Mechanics) - This song reminds me a lot of my father, not because he's passed away (which he's not), but because of how affected he was by his father's death.  He felt he never truly told his dad how he felt about him, and whenever he hears this song, I think it saddens him a little.  My father and I are very close, and this song tends to remind me how important it is to let those you care about know it.

6.  "You Give Love a Bad Name" (Bon Jovi) - Before it was part of Barney's "Get Psyched Mix" on "How I Met Your Mother," it was a song I listened to whenever I was feeling angry or frustrated or needed to vent.  I would put this song in my car stereo and drive around, listening to it as many times as necessary.  While it doesn't point to a specific incident, it does remind me that there are healthy ways to let go of negative emotions (and yes...working out is another way!).

7.  "Beau's All-Night Radio Love Line" (Joshua Kadison) - I remember this song from college...while the details of the album and everything have to do with a girl I dated briefly the year this song came out, this song does not.  Instead, this song is one I listen to when I'm feeling down, or when I'm feeling that I'm all alone and no one can understand me.  It lets me know that there are plenty of people out there feeling the same way I am.  It's a great tune!

8.  "Take on Me" (A-ha) - Crazy song from the '80s one-hit wonders!  I used to work in retail, and one night during the holidays, a bunch of us went out to a bar near work to unwind.  We had been there a while, and this song came on the jukebox.  Without planning, when the chorus came on, a group of us stood up and belted it out at the tops of our lungs.  I really don't know why I always think of this when the song plays, unless it has something to do with the fact that I'm usually more reserved, and this was a time when I let loose!

9.  "Now and Forever" (Richard Marx) - Another song that relates to my fiancée and me.  This was the song that played at my senior prom, which I took her to.  A long time has passed since then, but we are back together and getting married in January.  So I guess (as her father reminded us) both "Now" and "Forever" do apply, albeit separated by 15 years!

10.  "With a Little Help from My Friends" (Joe Cocker) - The Wonder Years.  What else do I need to say?  I love this show, and whenever I would hear the first few notes of this song,I would drop whatever I was doing to go watch!  I know that the "wonder years" the show refers to are far removed from my own, but that didn't stop the show from shedding light on things that all teenage boys deal with as they're growing up!

What songs have meaning for you?  I could probably list tons more if I had the time, or my iPod!  Think about what songs have meaning to you and go listen to them.  Music can "calm the savage beast," or so I recall someone saying.  It helps my workouts; it helps put me in the right frame of mind...What does it do for you?

Friday, February 4, 2011

I Finally Found...

...the Love of a Lifetime."  :)  Cheesy 80's rock ballad aside...it's the truth.  On January 15th of this year, I married the most wonderful woman in the world!  We danced to "Destiny," by Jim Brickman, and in the time leading up to our marriage, we made CDs and dedicated countless songs to each other.  Until now, however, I had yet write about it.  Three weeks into marriage, and I found myself struggling to put into words, into music, exactly the way I was feeling.  That changed yesterday.  While sitting in one of my many contemplative moods, the song, "Love of a Lifetime," by Firehouse, started playing in my mind...and it hit me.

"I guess the time was right for us to say
We'd take our time and live our lives together day by day..."


That first line says it all.  Heidi and I dated in high school, during my senior year...and 15 years later, she came back into my life.  And, as the song says, "the time was right for us..." to be reunited, fall in love, and decide to spend the rest of our lives together.

"We'll make a wish and send it on a prayer
We know our dreams can all come true with love that we can share..."

This one seems to require little explanation.  After years of being alone, suddenly all my prayers were answered...and when Heidi and I exchanged our vows, we did so knowing that together, we can make our dreams come true.  Marrying her checks one dream off of the list; I look forward to many, many others.

"With you I never wonder - will you be there for me
With you I never wonder - you're the right one for me..."

Throughout my life, people always told me, "someday, you'll find the right girl."  I never understood that.  How do you know who the right girl is?  How do you know when you've met the person with whom you'll spend the rest of your life?  The old cliche, "you'll just know..." applies here.  After an initial bout with nerves, I found that I did "just know."  I didn't have to think about it, or analyze it (as was common for me in the past), or think about whether I had other options.  I "just knew."  From that moment until now, and for the rest of my life, I'll continue "just knowing" that she is the right girl for me.  No wondering.  Only certainty.

Verse two describes the love...

"With every kiss our love is like brand-new
And every star up in the sky was made for me and you
Still we both know that the road is long
(But) we know that we will be together because our love is strong..."

I realize that we've only been married for a few weeks, but our friendship goes back much farther.  As such, this isn't merely me being in the blissful early stages of marriage.  "Every kiss...every star up in the sky..." points out to me the endless possibilities that lay before us.  We've known each other for a long time, yet everyday, I discover something new about her, about us, that does make our love seem like brand-new.  It's not going to be easy...as the song says.  Already, we know there are mountains we have climb in order to achieve some of our dreams, but we're willing to climb them together.  With that in mind, I know this is forever.

And the chorus...

"I finally found the love of a lifetime
A love to last my whole life through
I finally found the love of a lifetime
Forever in my heart, I finally found the love of a lifetime."

I love you, Heidi, with all my heart and soul!

(...even more than pizza rolls...)

;)

Outside the reception hall
Our first dance - to "Destiny"